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ANZPOP

The discipline of making mistakes

Published over 1 year ago • 3 min read

Dear Reader,

Facilitators in general, care about holding space for people.
You want to guide meaningful conversations, foster inclusion, navigate complexity - and perhaps even support transformation. But facilitation isn’t just about holding a marker and asking good questions. It’s about developing the discipline to stay present when things go off script - especially when you’re the one who makes the mistake.

Many new and seasoned facilitators alike struggle with this moment.
You misread the energy. You interrupt someone’s truth. You overlook a power dynamic. You say too much. Or too little.
And it stings.

If you’ve been there, you’re not alone. In fact, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Mistakes Aren’t Failures. They’re a Form of Practice

In his book Sitting in the Fire, Process-Oriented Psychology founder Arnold Mindell reminds us that true presence in facilitation requires the same discipline seen in spiritual practices: the discipline to sit in discomfort and let it teach us.

Just like in meditation traditions where practitioners sit with physical pain to build awareness, facilitators must learn to sit with the emotional heat - the awkwardness, the defensiveness, the self-doubt that can follow a misstep.

This isn’t about perfection.
It’s about humility, awareness, and discipline.

Discipline Doesn’t Mean Control- It Means Commitment

It’s tempting to equate discipline with rigidity or control. But real discipline in facilitation is more like devotion: a steady willingness to return to awareness, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.

In the freedom-loving spaces where we honour diversity of experience and fluidity of identity - discipline can sound like a dirty word. But the freedom to be fully ourselves in a group setting only emerges when facilitators have developed the inner discipline to hold the container when things get complex.

The Discipline of Risking Mistakes

Here’s the paradox: you can only become a skilful facilitator by doing the work, and that means getting it wrong sometimes. It means speaking when you're not sure, listening when it feels uncomfortable, acknowledging when you missed something important.

These moments are painful.
But they’re also the moments that build your muscle.

In fact, it takes real discipline to:

  • Admit you were unaware of a power dynamic.
  • Slow down when your instinct is to fix.
  • Ask the group to help you learn.
  • Keep showing up even after a hard session.

That’s not failure.
That’s the discipline of learning through humility.

So What’s the Path Forward?

If you’re willing to stay in the fire - to let your mistakes teach you, to build your awareness through discipline - then facilitation becomes a lifelong practice of growth and service.

Here’s what that might look like:

  1. Cultivate self-awareness before, during, and after sessions. Journaling, coaching, and supervision help.
  2. Normalise mistakes as part of the process. Reflect with compassion.
  3. Lean into discomfort when power dynamics show up - don’t retreat.
  4. Stay grounded in your intention to serve the group, not protect your ego.
  5. Commit to discipline - not as punishment, but as a loving structure that grows your capacity.

If you wish to practice that discipline with others – enrol in some of these offerings:

​Facilitation Masterclass Series - 5 x 3hr online sessions – a deep-dive series into the core challenges of transformational group facilitation. This is for you if…

  • You facilitate groups - formally or informally - and want to develop mastery in the deeper layers of group process
  • You’ve hit challenges: burnout, internal doubt, power dynamics, and want tools that address the inner and outer work of facilitation.
  • You want to strengthen your leadership presence while staying grounded, relational, and adaptive in the face of complexity.

​Grab your spot in the July cohort now​

​Working with Conflict in Groups – **LAST WEEK TO ENROL! **2 x 3hr online sessions - a focused, practical training to grow your confidence in handling conflict constructively. This is for you if…

  • You work with groups - formally or informally - and often feel unsure or hesitant when conflict arises.
  • You’re looking for practical, immediately usable skills to help groups navigate interpersonal or structural tensions.
  • You may be newer to group facilitation or want a focused introduction to Process Work-informed conflict tools.

​Register here for the upcoming June cohort​

Or join our community as together we explore how to navigate our differences in the upcoming in person 2 day gathering

​Diverse States of Getting Along – 22 & 23 August on the Gold Coast.​
​featuring Indigenous Leader Mark Yettica-Paulson.

You’re Not Alone on This Path

Facilitation is not about having all the answers. It’s about creating space for what wants to emerge. And sometimes, what emerges is your own growth edge.

Let it be part of the process.
Let it be part of your practice.
Let it be your discipline.

Warmly,

ANZPOP

ANZPOP

For those who want to go deep

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